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Monday, December 28, 2009

"Gosh Darn it all to heck!"

Ayyo again....

It was two nights ago that 2008's oscar nominated Mickey Rourke starrer,"the wrestler" was playing on z-studio,for the first time,i think...and there wasn't much going on,as boxing day proved to be pretty dry for the first time with the mouth-watering Arsenal vs Villa scheduled for sunday..and this was my ONLY complaint,because other than football,i don't watch a lot of t.v nowadays.But the wrestler was on,and its s'possed to be a great movie,right?And its long overdue for me,but no matter....anyway the catch here was that it was past 11:30 p.m,and that meant i had to keep it real low...its sad for me when good movies air at night,and i cant play them at a reasonable volume,even in my room's t.v..but all hope is not lost! Who's the saviour? SUBTITLES!Yeah life-savers...at least you can still watch the movie...although subtitles tend to drag your attention away from whats happening on the reel...well that's how it works in my case anyway..its distracting as hell for me...i always try to find some little mishap in the translation,that might just turn out to be funny!
Most Indian channels airing Hollywood movies apparently feel they don't "connect" with our audiences as much as the audience would have liked...and that most of us fail to understand most of what they're "muttering under their throats",unlike bollywood where every damn actor would enunciate everything he/she says times thousand...all I can say is,we have been Terribly underestimated XD
They're not too bad though,subtitles..I know some guys who are dedicated viewers of the japanese versions of naruto,bleach etc...they'd choke if it weren't for english subs!But the only problem is that if its a movie,most of the intensity you would feel when you hear the characters actually speak are robbed by the subs(especially when you're watching at a low volume...like me at night),cuz they have the censor thing going on,which is funny,but also makes you feel like a 12 year old deaf kid,who's watching a rated-R movie with his folks >_< ...yes the translation is worse than what would be for a PG-13 film.And i'm not talking about grammatical incorrectness...its just that they take the salt and the spice out of the dish when they either exclude or filter the profanity in the subtitles...and how! If you're watching ,like, PULP FICTION and hear Samuel.L Jackson say to Tim Roth " I just thought it was some cold-blooded shit to say to a motherfucker 'fore I popped a cap in his ass."
That is some explicit shit!But here's what the subtitles say:
"I just thought it was some cold crap to say to someone 'fore i popped his butt"... damn PG-13!Sam looks like a cartoon character,(probably a restrained Fred Flintstone trying hard to control himself?)speaking from the subtitles :P Anyway here are some conventional dialogue translations that most Indian channels use nowadays:

-asshole--> scumbag
-you sick bastard-->you are sick
-ass-->butt
-shit-->crap
-hell-->heck
-goddamn-->gosh-darn
-dick-->dumb
-F word-->blank(eg:"WTF are you doin'?" translates as "what ARE you doin'?")
Its frustrating really..how hard is it to understand what they're saying? And if you ask me,with the common gaavti Indian "crowd-who watch-English-movies-to-see-the-babes" in mind,i bet all they'd understand from what they're hearing,are the swear words!Thats all they'll ever get! Its the quintessential aspect of their little lives.So why make the herculean effort of translating those words into cereal form suitable for a 10 year old,while still trying to stay in context?!By trying to stay in context,i have to say these subtitle-folk,don't quit work early...there's a scene in JUNO where Juno's stepmom lashes out at her sonography nurse for being unreasonable with them,and puts her to shame ,after which Juno says"Wow,you're a dick!" The crew could have just used the key shown above and translated dick as dumb,instead it says"wow,you're awesome!"...understanding the context,are them humble folk at star movies XD...hard working,pointlessly hard working folk..
But you see such care being taken because they're official translators! Get a pirated VCD copy of any movie, and it doesn't matter if you're watching "george of the jungle" or "the departed"...the pirated subtitles kill the movie just the same...which is entertaining too,by the way..Heres some Indy for you














XD.Everyone sounds retarded in the subs,and dunno wtf they're saying - still makes for some great entertainment...But well,Indy is awesome anyway..so i'd rather have subs like these if I was watching like..."the league of extraordinary gentlemen".at least this way i'd be able to sit through the whole of it.
And lets not forget.. subtitles especially rule the "misheard" department and that's gut-busting stuff,if you're watching a tamil/kannada/mallu movie,with misheard translations of the songs!And yeah there is the grandaddy of 'em all,BENNY LAVA!If you haven't already seen it yet(and i bet that's a longshot),youtube it right away.

Underrated,subtitles are...yeah,people should realise their importance!What if tomorrow,the Al-Quaeda decide to launch an unexpected terrorist attack,and their chief is on the media giving out important information about where they're gonna hit,and what they're gonna do!With no SUBTITLES on?!?He'll be saying all this with a straight-ass face,so it'll be upto us to make out whether he was talking about an immediate terrorist attack or what he really thought of Barack Obama,and his white-folk?Or just plain talking about what he had for breakfast?!Who knows without subtitles?!?All you can hear is "Ackh-muckhh-chhhsa...achhmed.chuslafiala accckkhhhhhmed!!!"subtitles!!I just wrote up a whole post on the thing! Why am I still going on about it? I'll tell you why...cuz i'm back to writing my blog,full scale...and none of you "scumbags" can do a "gosh darn" thing about it!! "To "heck" with you all!! XD

P.S:The following text contains explicit and profane vocabulary that might disturb some individuals,therefore i hereby state th.......no,wait..this should have come before the post...hmm O_o

12 comments:

  1. Minakshi S:

    >>CRAZY!!!!!Lolz!!!!
    i agree re..subtitles are distracting..but then they r ur saving grace at low volumes n of cose for languages u dont really decipher(m talking of french n korean n spanish n japanese n chinese n watnot on WM if uve seen them..the muvis r good but obv pointless widout subts!):)

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  2. its sad that your comment couldnt get thru the right way >_<

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  3. Osama to US- (in arabic)
    "I lika to do the Cha Cha"

    US response-
    "This man is VERY dangerous. We must fight terrorism in these dark, DARK times. So say with me, YES WE CAN!"

    Osama to US- (in arabic)
    "I still lika to do the cha cha!" :P

    Somtimes subtitles help dude ;)
    Still, LMAO
    keep it coming! :D

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  4. @ ojas:yeah they do!I did point that out in the last paragraph XD
    alalalalalaiiiiii!!!!

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  5. yay!!! posted!!!! yahoooooooooo :D:D

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  6. great... didnt think any1 could write a 'review' on subtitles... and make it funny :-/

    personally dont mind subtitles... unless they're of the kind illustrated in those pictures!


    p.s - frodo you fool!

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  7. @iyer:lol XD
    but what does he actually say again? gandalf,i mean..

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  8. its 'fly' not frodo :-\

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  9. dude smetimes shit-head is subtitled as butt-head WTF does tht mean?? :P

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