Movie Review:Chandni chowk to China

Okay,i know what you're thinking...how the hell did i end up watching this CERTIFIED PIECE OF SHIT of a movie on the vodafone tuesday offer,when i had already heard from every source around me that it was a pile of garbage!so my college friends want to watch some movie desperately ,and since theres nothing else new...DING!( i hate my curiosity)
okay.onto my review...
note:excuse me if i override this movie by a truck in this review,but i really need to blow off some steam coming back from my worst cinematic experience..EVER!!

director:nikhil advani
cast:Akshay kumar,Deepika padukone,Ranveer shorey
rating:0.5/5

this is less a movie than a bunch of musical numbers sandwiched between seemingly recurrent action sequences with a cartoony buffoon running the show,along with constant mindless pathetic,slapstick humor.Akshay kumar plays "sidhu" a man who's a regular days cook in chandni chowk,delhi.Well,the story goes like this (those still interested may continue reading, others continue to next paragraph) Hojo (Gordon Liu) terrorizes some village in China. Those Chinese villagers always scared, find a dumb buffoon Sidhu in India and bring him to their village, as they believe he is the reincarnation of some warrior hero and hope that he can save them from Hojo.
'nuff said.

Basically thats the plotline...it would really really interest me if i were like 5 years old,but too bad i'm not,right now.this movie is the biggest,most contrived piece of bullshit,for any kind of an audience to watch.The entire movie spits at you in the face saying that "you shouldve left your brain at home"...too bad i didn't.its aggrevating to see the directors lack of respect for the audience's intelligence and patience.TV programmes on HUNGAMA make you use more brains than this.Regardless,i was trying to find a silver lining in this dry pile of goo,'cause i wanted to say "paisa vasool"at the end of it.That didnt work either.
A scene at the start shows mithun kicking akshay on his derriere,and akshay,remarkably flies,yes flies,due to the force ala team rocket in "pokemon".What had i gotten myself into?the pioneer of drivel?i had seen NOTHING yet.

Along the way,this reel of film that belongs in the sewer,shows stuff like cosmic sound waves created during fights,a lethal hat(that the villain wears)with a razor sharp edge to cut through anything,a translating device that translates any language into hindi in your ear,footbands that make you dance on being worn...ah...now im 5 years old again!
Deepika is hot,but at the same time extremely irritating.and she plays the classic seeta-geeta version in this film,(the lesser said about that the better).Akki gives a 110% on his role,to my amazement.He actually acts well in this one may it be extreme,clumsy,comic,or emotional.but somehow,in this films world,chinese people are potrayed to be wooden-brained and stupid,and thats including all of 'em. Not one character here has an ounce of common sense,and neither do I,as i came to watch it in the first place.

*boom!,stupid humor,song,crack!,fight,confusion,song,stupid humor,stupid humor,nonsense,boom!,song,fight,fight,fight,humor,cosmic waves,people are flying,song*

WHAT???theres another hour of this f****d up piece of shit still left to be done??noooooo!!!!

End,you dastardly faggoty,irritating contrived sanctamonious,headache inducing,GODDAMN piece of shit!!END!!!

I cant take this anymore!And why are people laughing?apparently they arent laughing AT the film,like they should be,but at its jokes!Un-fu****g-believable.Boo,indian audience!I bang my head 10 times on the empty seat ahead of me towards the end of this shiz,as they give us a tesaer on a possible sequel...Now that AKKI dada has mastered kung-fu,in like 10 minutes,hes going chandni chowk to africa...wow...sure cant wait to see that one!First day first show....NOT!!!!
Im being easy on the movie giving it half a star...beacuse it taught me a lesson,dont ever waste time on bullshit like this even if its for free!Or you'll be barking madly when you leave the theater after you completely lose your sanity.
I am going home to watch some pokemon now...at least its more sensible than this is...see ya.

And dont forget to comment on the review!